Refuge
by Allison Lane
Summary: Set during OOTP. Percy and Penelope learn to live with what little they can have.


  
  
**Refuge**  
By Allison E. Lane   
  
The first week, it was frighteningly easy to pretend that everything was as it should be—to tell herself that Percy was merely bogged down with work and unable to come home, or perhaps visiting his family (without her), or on vacation (again, without her), or even on a business trip, if wizards took such things. During that first week, she could make herself ignore the silence, and the empty rooms, and the sudden yawning expanse of their bed. But by Sunday, reality began to creep in like a terrible, drowning coldness, settling in the leaden hole where her heart used to beat. The hard painful truth of the matter was that Percy wasn't coming home. Not now. Not for a long time.   
  
Penelope could still envision with searing clarity the evening she'd come home from Healer training at St. Mungo's to find Percy pacing in front of the fireplace, pale and agitated. Earlier that day, he explained, he had received an owl from the Ministry promoting him to Cornelius Fudge's junior assistant. That he was shocked was an understatement in the extreme; Percy had fully expected to be sacked after the fiasco with Mr. Crouch and the Triwizard Tournament. The sudden reversal of his fortunes had made him suspicious, so he'd immediately contacted Dumbledore at Hogwarts. They had both come to the conclusion that Fudge intended to use Percy as a means of keeping tabs on the Weasley family and, through them, both Dumbledore and Harry Potter. The end result of their discussion was Percy agreeing to accept the position to spy on the Ministry for Dumbledore. There was only one damning drawback to the plan: in the interest of keeping up appearances, Percy would have to make a break from Penelope.   
  
"It's this whole 'pureblood' business," he'd said, kneeling in front of her and gripping her hands tightly while she sat on the sofa, chin trembling and eyes swamped with barely restrained tears. "Fudge is obsessed with it, they're the only ones he'll trust, and… I-I'm afraid of putting you in danger." Percy had looked at her so seriously then that she instinctively knew he wasn't making up petty excuses to justify his decision. "I'll be close to the Minister, which might make me a target for—for plots—surely you know how it is… I'll rest much easier knowing you won't be in danger by association." He'd squeezed her hands, looking more grave and upset than she'd ever seen him. "Dumbledore didn't want me to tell you—you're the only other person who knows what I'm doing—but… I couldn't stand the thought of making you believe I didn't love you anymore."   
  
He'd packed up some of his things while Penelope remained stony-faced on the sofa, wanting to scream, to cry, to beg him to stay, to demand how he could just abandon her like this… Then Ravenclaw logic and reason won over her torn heart, and she knew that Percy was only doing what he had to protect her, to protect everyone, to help the cause of the light as best he could.   
  
"This isn't the end," he'd whispered into her hair as they shared a last embrace, tears trailing down Penelope's cheeks. "It's not forever. I love you." Then he'd kissed her quickly—intensely—and just like that, he was gone.   
  
He'd slammed the door on the way out, the first brick in the façade.   
  
By the second week of their separation, Penelope felt that her world had devolved into shades of lifeless gray. Her coworkers at St. Mungo's clucked in sympathetic outrage when they learned through the grapevine that she had been dumped in favor of her boyfriend's career, and took her out for a therapeutic round of drinks at the pub. Penelope refused to elaborate further on the subject. Her girlfriends decided that her silence was a wall that would disappear in time and drummed up a whirlwind of activity to keep her occupied. She was grateful for the distraction, but at the end of the day there was still only her cold, empty flat to look forward to. No Percy making a mess of the dining table with his reports, no Percy to listen to the evening news on the wireless with, no Percy to massage the kinks out of her shoulders before they went to sleep. Nothing but the emptiness and memories.   
  
She learned, during a chance encounter with Bill Weasley at Gringott's, that Percy had had a serious shouting match with his father and walked out on the entire family. Penelope only smiled sadly at the news, seeing the anger, hurt, and confusion in Bill's eyes as he spoke of his brother. She should have guessed that his parents would be just as suspicious of his promotion as Percy himself had been. It was just another brick, another separation for the greater good.   
  
The end of their second week apart found Penelope awake in her—their—bed, unable to sleep, doing her best to ignore the ever-present aching loneliness, when a soft 'pop' on the other side of the bed startled her. Gasping, she automatically went for her wand on the bedside table, but then the mattress dipped with an added weight and a pair of lean, familiar arms were slipping around her.   
  
"Percy?" she choked, hardly daring to believe what her senses were telling her.   
  
The arms tightened around her, pulling her close, and Penelope's body instinctively melded to his. "Shh," he whispered, his voice tight with emotion and longing. "Just—just let me hold you… I've missed you so much, I couldn't stay away…"   
  
Penelope closed her eyes, unable to keep a tear of overwhelming relief and joy from escaping, and concentrated every fiber of her being on absorbing the feel of Percy's touch, afraid he would disappear if she so much as breathed. "Is this a dream?"   
  
"No, sweetheart." Percy brushed a hand through the tangle of her curls and pressed a kiss to her temple, sighing softly. "Not a dream."   
  
And indeed he spoke the truth. Over the following weeks, Percy made a number of irregular visits to their flat, always Apparating into the bedroom at night, and always leaving before Penelope awoke in the morning. They didn't talk much when he came, preferring to simply revel in each other's presence, holding each other until Penelope would reluctantly fall asleep.   
  
Percy's nocturnal calls became Penelope's lifeline. It was something to hold on to during the endless waking hours where she and Percy moved in separate worlds… something to live for while she continued to present an all-too-real face of loneliness and pain, waiting for the nights Percy came to her like a warm shadow. The Christmas season brought some measure of cheer, endless rounds of parties and a pile of gifts from home and friends, but in Penelope's opinion, the best present by far was the one Percy made of himself when he appeared in their bedroom on Christmas night. It was moments like those that she lived for.   
  
They both knew they were living little more than a half-life, presenting false fronts to the world by day while continuing to love each other at night, but neither cared much because it was all they had together. Percy had his duty—Penelope had hers—and they were each the other's refuge, a secret balm to keep them going. Penelope had to constantly remind herself that their separation wouldn't last forever, that this horrible half-life wasn't all there was… taking comfort and love when they could. Only the nights without Percy were too many and too unbearably cold, and it was those nights that the future seemed to stretch out before her in a bleak, unending line of nothingness.   
  



End file.
